Never thought I’d write a blog about this, and I may embarrass myself considerably, but dieters need to be warned.  Plus it’s pretty damn funny.  Some may find it disgusting, others will laugh at my expense.

So I’m trying to eat healthy and exercise.  Part of me keeping to this plan it to allow myself the occasional treat.  I still try to keep it healthier, so my favorite thing to get when I feel a sweet tooth is at Friendly’s.  They have a sugar free vanilla ice cream made with splenda and a sugar free chocolate topping.  And while I know it’s not great for me to do this, I also add their peanut butter sauce.  I can have peanut butter, but the extra sugar isn’t good.  Oh well, it’s my one treat.

Last night, I ordered the usual… an original sized sugar free sundae (3 scoop).  Now, if any of you have ever been on a low sugar diet or have eaten anything made with sugar alcohols, you may be able to relate to this story.  Keep in mind this is the same sundae I have eaten every other time with no ill effects.  This time, however, it hit me big time!  It started with a simple gurgling in my stomach.  Nothing major, but enough so that others around me noticed as well.  It progressed into an obnoxious sound that made me believe that my stomach was now eating all other organs surrounding it.  My family decided it was best to move far away from me and take cover.

Feeling the bloating, I decided to take a Phazyme to help control any gas that might be coming.  By the time I was ready for bed, the cramping had come on pretty strong.  Not diarrhea or anything, just gas.  Now, I am a lady when it comes to gas of any kind.  I refuse to fart in front of anyone, even my husband.  It’s not that I find it disgusting.  I’m just respectful in the sense that no one needs to smell my stench.  So I’ll excuse myself into the restroom.  This time, however, there was no making it to the bathroom in time.  My ass couldn’t squeeze hard enough to hold the gas in!  With each step I took going up the stairs, little toots were echoing in the hallway.

I slept miserably!!  All through the night, I was passing gas so much that it was waking me up (thankfully my husband works third shift, so I was alone)!!  Thank God I had the sheets over my ass or I would’ve died from gas inhalation!!   At about 4:30, I woke up to pee.  You would’ve thought my ass was doing a trumpet solo.  It just wouldn’t stop!  All in all, I had gas issues (even after taking Phazyme) from 8:00 p.m. – 6:00 a.m., when I finally went to sleep. I’m not sure what caused a reaction this time.  My favorite sweet tooth semi-healthy treat turned against me.

So dieters beware!  Watch how much SF items you eat or you, too, could end up playing a tune from your ass!